Major life choices such as religion, education, sexuality are all predetermined for you based on the ideas, morals and traditions of those in charge of your upbringing. As small innocent children we are thrown into a world predicted and determined by adults for our potential well being.
I have renounced quit a few beliefs from my childhood. I was in my mid 30’s and coming to that realization was pretty traumatic for me. Accepting the full scope that I was living what felt like “lies” devastated me to the point of complete shut down. I had “deer in headlights” syndrome. Frozen. This lasted for a little while. Then I snapped out of it and I remembered this was just another part of my quest for happiness. So I had more work to do.
Because I have spent the last 2 decades sorting out my emotional well being. I have been on several different paths trying to recover both emotionally, spiritually and physically. Shaking all the negative in my past is difficult and most of the time challenging. Discerning and identifying what needs to stay and what needs to go away can be frustrating; ESPECIALLY when I don’t know what’s wrong. This is where I have learned to be still. Not the same standing still from shock. But intently still. Listening still. Respectfully still. In this stillness I have learned to open myself, my mind, my soul, my heart, my pain, both physical and emotional to whatever it is. WE are ALL listening. Trying to find out what it is we need to discover.
We are all one. All my parts, all my voices, all the different iterations of myself and they all have something they are trying to tell me. Still.
I haven’t been able to settle into my own happiness yet. I’m content, pleased with my relationship, pleased with being a parent, pleased with my abilities and creativeness. To me, there is something deeper.
While reading Eckhart Tolle’s, The Power of Now. I have been introduced to concepts about my thinking and the things that have been imprinted on me through life. The possibility of others impressions of me and others expectations have in someway convoluted my existence. Now that I have accepted my freedom from my past. I realize that I have limitless possibilities in this life to do whatever … wait for it…. makes ME happy.
The very first chapter is titled You Are Not Your Mind . Let that sink in for a minute. You may need to say it out loud, I did. Say it,
“I am NOT my mind.”
Whoa. This feels good, and confusing. Which makes me think more, cause I am a curious cat and I want answers.
Eckhart talks about enlightenment. The end of suffering. Being. Peace. It’s interesting to read that me ‘over thinking’ could actually be a barrier, an obstacle getting in the way of Being , because its something I have given a lot of thought about. How can I get all my Cats in a row? To align? Meanwhile, still thinking myself out of doing stuff. (Talk myself out of doing the things I want to do but am afraid of failure.) I’m not new to mediation and clearing the mind. I started that practice as a young child sitting still in church, praying and waiting on the lord. Now it’s a little more intimately tied to my selves, source and my feelings during that time of mediation.
What he is really talking here is the labels and judgement we place on our thoughts and feelings. The talking ourselves out of living life. Fear of living because we believe in some way we don’t deserve anything better. Or the fear of failure as I said before. For me, I think it’s the disbelief that I am good enough at any given time. Society reinforces these insecurities through many messages. Advertising can easily diminish the self confidence of a young woman or man. There are statistics to prove this.
I am on this journey of happiness and am hoping to find a place of being. A place of deep elation. Respect for myself, the bravery to stick up for my dreams. To hear all my selves, to soothe them and most of all to be at one with them.
I imagine you are on your own journey. What are you looking for?
You might want to watch Eckhart speak about his book here. I’m still in the first few chapters of the book and will most likely have more reflection and things to say about it in the next few days.
I am curious what your thoughts are on the subject of calming the voices. Have you read The power of Now? If so, what are your thoughts on the first few chapters?
Read my other posts in the Quest for Happiness series Don’t Worry, Be Happy